The Court Jester

I've Been Decaptionated

2006-01-19T08:42:00.000-05:00

What can I say about not being selected as a finalist for this week's New Yorker caption contest? "Bloodsuckers!"

Here's the cartoon and the three "finalists":

Drawing by Michael Maslin

"I bet the bride of Frankenstein gets to cuddle."
Submitted by Doak Sergent
New York City

“And where do you think you're going with those curtains?”
Submitted by Bradford Collins
Columbia, S.C.

"I guess this rules out a church wedding."
Submitted by Mark Mushkat
San Francisco, Calif.

And my submission?

"Not tonight, Harold. I have a neckache."

Captioning the Imagination

2006-01-01T18:25:00.000-05:00

Weekly, I submit entries to the New Yorker magazine caption contest.
Weak, I submit, are the finalists and winners selected.

I don't seethe, but seethe for yourself.

Here is the cartoon for Contest No. 30:

And here is the "winning" caption:

“Instead of an expensive, invasive procedure, we've decided to beat it out of you.”

And here are my three submissions (crafted with a co-author):

"I'm sorry to inform you that surgery is necessary . . . and it has to be a covert operation."

"Sir, we've located a terrorist cell in your body."

"Oh, that's just Nurse Smith. Now, about that co-pay . . . ."

Judge for yourself. And participate. Here is the link to the caption contest: http://www.newyorker.com/captioncontest/.

Happy New Ears!

2005-12-31T17:14:00.000-05:00

"You say you want a resolution, well you know, we all want to change the world."

My first resolution for 2006: be a better listener. I don't consider myself a poor listener -- what, did you just say something? -- and, in fact, I think I am generally a good listener. (E.G., I just finished "Freakonomics" on MyPod). But one should always strive to improve, particularly in an area that can mean so much to so many. Friends, family, strangers, strange people: they are always talking to me (with body language and mouth language). This year, I am going to listen to them all.

My second resolution for 2006: lose wait. Life is so short, time is so precious. While patience is claimed to be a virtue, there are only some things worth waiting for. Most things, including many of the hipster restaurants in New York City, are not. Move on. (Not a political plug, by the way).

My third resolution for 2006: take a vacation. I usually "shun" the "vaca," but it is time to treat myself to some r and r (robots and rhinoplasty; rolaids and relief; reconstruction and roulette). Look for me in Los Angeles and San Franciso at the end of January. "LALALALA LA LA LA, right back where I started from."

To be continued . . .

And Speaking of "Creation," Spread the Wor(l)d About This Blog

2005-12-29T09:13:00.000-05:00

Good morning. Imagine an ambulance traveling at a speed of 35 mph, and 35 feet behind that ambulance is a lawyer, running frantically in the direction of the ambulance. Now imagine that someone calls the lawyer an ambulance chaser. (Hard to imagine). What should the lawyer say in response? "That ambulance is actually chasing me: (i) the world is round, and (ii) I am very, very quick." Not a true story. Imagine that.

The Eighth Day of the Rest of My Life

2005-12-28T16:09:00.000-05:00

In the beginning, G-d said "Let there be write." I've now rested a full week (through Christmas, chalf of Chanukah, Sabbath, etc.). It is now the Eighth day, and it is time for my first post (not counting two scoops of raisins). And so begins the Story of Creation . . . of my blog.